wannaBhot

But life has been hell. Anyways, I’m back, I just started Cylaris today. I started out not at 190 like I thought, but 205 damn scale. However, since I started dieting again, I’ve gone down to 184. Exercise is more regular now, I feel crappy if I dont exercise in some form every day.

We bought a Wii Fit…that thing is soooo much fun, I totally recommend it! For the running portion, I suggest you get your treadmill in front of the tv and go to. Otherwise, you’re really just running in place, and that isn’t much of a challenge.

Ok, time to go to work…you all have a great day!

After a week of exercising every day (with the exception of one day), watching what I ate, and drinking a small lake, I stepped onto my scale today (after a nice, long jog)….drumrolllll pllleeeeeeease: 10 lbs gone! I was in SHOCK! Yes, I know this is water weight, but it gave me the motivation to not pick up another chocolate bar. And now, whenever I’m feeling down, I really just want to get up and move to shake the stress away.  It feels ten times better to get sweating than to sit here wallowing in my self-pity.  At least when I’m moving, I get my anger up and it’s an outlet, I just keep saying, “F*** you! I’ll be better at the end of all this!” and it calms me.

For the past few days, it’s seemed like something has lit a fire under my ass.  I’ve steered clear of junk food completely, and when we went out to dinner with my in-laws last night, I actually WAITED from the time we found out at about 1pm till we finally ate at like 6pm. I hadn’t eaten since the morning.  And that was just 300 calories at that point.  I chose the lowest-fat item on the menu, nachos. I didn’t even have pepsi or dessert. And when we went drinking later, I only had two.

Then i went home early because i wasn’t feeling too good. I sat down and drank some water, then got hungry, and since it was like midnight, i thought maybe i should eat. I got a bowl of cheesies (trust me, there was nothing else that was readily made) I took maybe 6 cheesies.  It was deeeaad weird.

It’s like I have this image in my mind of how I want to look by summer, and having some tummy rumblies actually feels not so bad. Having a full tummy actually makes me feel a little sick.

Seriously, I do. I’ve watched what I ate this week, did exercise 3 days…and I’ve gained 5lbs. Yep. 5 @#$$#$ pounds. I am now 205. I was doing better when I was eating unlimited junk food and not moving my ass.

I’m good during the day food-wise. My motivation is up, I don’t want to overeat. Evening hits, I do my exercise (I do Carmen Electra striptease aerobics- cheesy, yes. Fun? Definitely! And it DOES get the heart rate up), and my weight training (beginner stuff- I only handle 35 lbs lmao). I’m trying to do it every day. I have my days where nothing gels and it doesn’t get done, but i haven’t gone longer than 2 days without a workout. It really does feel better when I do it- I don’t wake up all stiff and back-achy the next day.

My bad part is nighttime. When we’re sitting around chillin. I have my own snack stuff, it isn’t TOO bad. I try to watch it. Then everyone heads to bed.

I usually wake up around 1 or 2 am. THAT’S when it hits. That overwhelming, uncontrollable for chocolate, or salt. So I’m sitting at the table eating pepperoni or chips and cookies :-(…I feel like such an addict!!!

I had to take a little net hiatus, mainly to try to fix my relationship. I didn’t do TOO bad on my diet (meaning I haven’t gained…but I haven’t lost, either). Finally started back in with my walking (although that first day killed), and the calorie counting is going alright. I admit that while I didn’t go overboard, I haven’t been doing as well as I would like. I realized that yesterday had been a year since I visited home, and I was this weight last year

I can say all I want that “Yep, I’m ready! Going to do it this time! No excuses!” but I now realize that it doesn’t always go that way. All I can do is pray for the willpower to get me through it and accomplish my goals.

Yes, I know I SUCK as a buddy…things have just started to slack again on the stress. It’s starting to kick in now that even though I’m going through a very rough patch, it’s more important than ever to concentrate more on getting healthy. And I AM trying.

So to my buddies, I’ll be trying to catch up on your blogs.  I’m sure you’re all doing a hell of a lot better than me!

I went totally off my diet and exercise routine. What sucks is, I was doing so well! I was down 5 pounds, was over that hump…now I have to start all over.
There were issues with my relationship, and as much as I would like to tell others to not let their habits fall back during rough times….it’s pretty freakin hard. All I wanted was the comfort of sitting in front of my tv stuffing my face…and oh yeah, I did.
So, my bf and I went shopping tonight, and I had mentioned that I wanted a scale, because ours was crap. Well, the scale he tossed in the cart was one that measures weight, body fat, hydration, and bone density (you can feel a small vibration from the current going up your legs). When I said naw, don’t bother, he insisted (the thing was $60). He said if it makes me more aware of what I’m doing to my body, it’s worth it. Then, on the way home, I finally got it out of him…guys aren’t ashamed of their partner being heavy, but it’s more of a pride thing to have the “hot” girlfriend. Honestly? I was glad he finally admitted it. Maybe now I’ll get my ass in gear.
To my diet buddies: I am really, really sorry I disappeared like that. It’s all about supporting each other, and I haven’t done that lately.

I haven’t been on here, and haven’t blogged in a while. Life’s stresses got to me, completely threw me off whack. I stopped walking (just as i was hitting my stride) stopped calorie counting…gah, it’s been bad.

So here goes another try. Wish me luck, I’m gonna need it.

Didn’t go as great as I had hoped, but I didn’t do tooooo bad.  I did indulge, but I stopped after a few bites, when I realized I was full.  I sort of made up for it anyways, since it was a stressful weekend and I skipped a few meals.

The scale is now fubar, i need a new one.

I went and bought a set of weights, only hand ones with 2.5 and 7.5 iron weights.  Apparently, strength training is supposed to help really shed the fat.  I guess just dieting ain’t gonna cut it this time.

So, back to it today!